Chuck Marcy, President and C.E.O. of Horizon Organic Holding Corporation in Boulder, Colorado, has been quoted as saying, "It doesn't matter what's true; it only matters what consumers believe."

No one follows that as a precept more than Dallas' own chemophobe, John Howard Garrett.  As the self-anointed "Dirt Doctor," Mr. Garrett espouses his form of organic gardening and nutrition ("The Natural Way") in a Friday column in what remains as the gardening section of The Dallas Morning News, on his Sunday morning talk show on 660 AM radio, in books, in an occasional magazine article, and at numerous personal appearances.

Claiming to be a horticulturist and soils expert, Howard Garrett grew up at Pittsburg in the acidic, sandy soils of the Piney Woods in East Texas and was graduated in 1969 from Texas Tech University in Lubbock with a degree in landscape architecture.  He says he moved to Dallas and started to work as a landscape architect "in the early '70s."  Then, after working for a few years at a local golf course and in the employ of a couple of respected Dallas nurseries, he set out on his present career some time between 1985  and 1989.

Unfortunately, (and unlike most members of the profession) he managed to obtain a degree in landscape architecture from Texas Tech University without taking any horticulture courses.  Equally unfortunate -- but as he proudly declares -- he received his college degree without taking even one course in chemistry or physics.  And his lack of such fundamental knowledge is apparent in much of what he says and does, even when it's something directly related to landscape architecture.  (For evidence of that, read about his specially designed greenhouse.)

He is also an I.S.A. Certified Arborist, having taken the required course and test in the fall of 2002. This certification by the International Society of Arborists requires 3 years of experience in tree care or at least a 2-year college degree in a related field and 2 years of experience.

As is often the case with those who lack any scientific training, the "Dirt Doctor" is apparently incapable -- even fearful -- of consulting respectable technical publications.  Consequently, he not only lacks rudimentary knowledge, but he questions or impugns the motives of reputable and knowledgeable scientists, while succumbing readily to the blandishments and pseudo-scientific blather of New Age charlatans and aging, unreconstructed hippies.  He labels as "organiphobes" those who dare to disagree with him and has been known to refer to them as environmental thugs, idiots, fools, ding dongs, spielmeisters, drug pushers, lamebrains, knuckleheads, morons, and nincompoops.

I suppose he includes me in that list somewhere, since the "Dirt Doctor" has proclaimed to his radio audience (blush, blush), "Field Roebuck is my number one critic.  We have sort of a love-hate relationship."

Then, in an email to one listener of his radio program, he confirmed the second half of that relationship by describing me as "a sad, angry old man who wishes he had done something significant in his life" and as an example of "how much ignorance and close-mindedness we have to endure."

Be all that as it may, here is your opportunity to delve into documented examples of his product promotions, the dubious advice he so freely gives, and the absurd and often ludicrous statements he makes.